janie. or nik. or mistress of the salmon salt.

27/bi/chef
I'm an android from the future,don't let this bleeding heart fool ya. My priorities are obviously sass, class, and ass.
I like: stories about love's softly savage nature, surfing, cats,wolves, custom cafe racers, strong eyebrow game, you (probably)

mrcomatoseoverthr:

shuckl:

wildy0ungbeautiful:

shuckl:

could i pay someone to take over my body who actually knows how to look after it so they can like. make me healthy again and then let me take over once i’m fit n healthy

You mean a personal trainer and a nutritionist

no i mean some sort of supernatural being who can do literally all of the work for me

So like the ghost of a personal trainer and nutritionist

super-who-lockian:

yes-i-am-lucifer:

You just know nobody is reblogging this for the dog

what dog?

EVERY TIME SOMEONE ASKS ‘WHERE I SEE MYSELF’ IN FIVE YEARS

dukeofbookingham:

I’m just like:

image

unbloss:

lepetitchatblanc:


best thing I’ve ever read

NEVER FORGET

holy shit

unbloss:

lepetitchatblanc:

best thing I’ve ever read

NEVER FORGET

holy shit

supernaturallysarcastic:

I was really confused for a moment because this was the first thing on my dash

supernaturallysarcastic:

I was really confused for a moment because this was the first thing on my dash

What's the best way to get rid of glitter?

not-misha:

Rub yourself on someone who wants glitter on them less than you do. Glitter naturally clings to the surface on which it is least welcome.

tomhazeldine:

I’m already impressed by your face. Everything else is just a bonus.

jimdoesntcarrey:

jimdoesntcarrey:

i have a speech in Art tomorrow on Surrealism and this is all i have so far

image

update: the class groaned collectively